So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Randomize
