I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
