Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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