I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
