There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
