Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
