I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
