everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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