K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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