i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
