Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
