Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
