I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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