i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
