Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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