I think my vagina is haunted
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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