Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize