did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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