I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize