3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
