I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize