Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
