We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
