i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
