aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize