i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
