Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize