Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
