After last night, I could never be a politician.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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