My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
