Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize