i just had sex bonerless
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
