Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Girls should come with a carfax report
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
