I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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