So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
