Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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