Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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