I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
