I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
we should paint friendship bongs
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