so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
