is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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