He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
