he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
