You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
