can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
