I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
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