Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
