Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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