i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
