pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
