We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
don't judge my taste in strippers
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
