U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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