So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
