Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
