New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
