I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
