it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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