So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
