did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My hand turned me down
I looked at my own cervix.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
