Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
