does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
