I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
