I puked a lego.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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