you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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