In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
