I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
