I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
