so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
