Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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