im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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