Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
