I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
